Happiness Part 2 - Relaxing

The last blog post here discussed one route for experiencing happiness in our lives as described by psychologist, Eric Fromm. That route was focused on putting in effort to challenge ourselves with tasks, or hobbies that add value to our lives. Fromm noted his idea for another contrasting pathway to happiness in, Man For Himself: An Inquiry into the Psychology of Ethics.

"The other type of pleasure which is left for discussion is not based on effort but on its opposite, on relaxation; it accompanies effortless but pleasant activities. The important biological function of relaxation is that of regulating the rhythm of the organism which cannot be always active. The word "pleasure," without qualification, seems to be most appropriate to denote the kind of good feeling that results from relaxation."

Nearly 70 years ago shortly after the end of World War II, Dr. Fromm was telling people that it was OK to relax once in a while. He was a proponent of taking it easy. It seems he realized our parents and grandparents who were part of the greatest generation that struggled to win the war needed permission to slow down. 

Today many of us lead over-scheduled lives filled with exertion. We all find many demands placed on us. Technology not only keeps us tethered to our colleagues and bosses when at home, but also to our family and friends when at work. Job, family and social demands easily pull at us if we try to relax. 
I have also noticed a creeping feeling of guilt experienced by people when they do slow down. They are worried that they will be seen as lazy, or that they are letting someone down, or that someone else is getting ahead of them at school or at work. This is the experience of adolescents and adults in our culture today. We have a situation developing in our society where taking it easy brings on agitation or even a sense of stress. 

We may be at a moment in time when we need permission to relax; and not only to relax, but to actually enjoy the experience of relaxation and take pleasure in it. We need to allow ourselves to be happy when we are doing nothing that requires focused effort for a sustained length of time. This does not mean taking a nap. It means enjoying an activity that requires minimal effort which is not focused on a goal; like going for a walk without monitoring the miles or your heart rate. Or reading a novel without worrying what your book club members will think about your insights at next week's meeting. 

It is healthy to set goals and work toward them. It is equally healthy to take time to slow down, relax, and enjoy the pleasure of recharging ourselves. Resting is not being lazy. Resting is necessary to have balance in our lives and to find pleasure is simply being ourselves and enjoying the experience.

Quote is from Ethan Fromm's 1947 book, Man For Himself: An Inquiry into the Psychology of Ethics (Location 2508 in the Kindle edition) https://www.amazon.com/Man-Himself-Inquiry-Psychology-Ethics-ebook/dp/B00BPJOD8K/ref=tmm_kin_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=1472839933&sr=8-8#nav-subnav

Happiness Part 1

Happiness is a popular topic these days. We are all seeking happiness. There are books, talk show hosts, and clever calendars instructing us on how to be happy. There is a happiness industry being built around us. Sometimes it seems that if we don't feel happy we are slackers who haven't followed the advice that is out there for the taking.

The wish to feel happy is obviously not something new that popped up in the last few years along with the growth of the "happiness-industrial complex." Philosophers have written about being happy for centuries . The propaganda is new and it bombards us with simple, quick, or cute techniques for being happy.

Happiness is an experience we have that is more than momentary. It lingers and envelopes us. A gimmick won't help to have the experience. Psychologist Eric Fromm had some wise and easily understood insights about happiness in the 1940s. He discussed two paths to pleasurable experiences which could help to achieve a state of happiness. I'll describe one of his paths in this post. A second route will be the subject of a future post.

"Gratification does not depend very much on a specific activity; a man may find as much gratification in a good game of tennis as in success in business; what matters is that there is some difficulty (emphasis added) in the task he has set out to accomplish and that he has achieved a satisfactory result."

Fromm understood that being happy was the end result of making worthwhile effort and even struggling with a task, challenge, or activity that you find valuable. From this perspective, happiness is recognized as a state that comes about by taking action you find important or pleasing; but not simple or easy. Keep in mind this does not describe taking action that someone else in your life thinks should be valuable or pleasing to you, or good for you.

Fromm saw that we all need to be responsible for achieving happiness by exerting some effort. Today when our days and weeks are packed with things that must be crossed off never ending To Do lists we exert a great deal of effort and expend energy to the point of exhaustion. We need to consider if any of the actions we take are truly valuable or pleasing to us. If we want to experience the type of pleasure or happiness that Fromm called gratification we need to make time for fully throwing ourselves into those activities that we enjoy; those hobbies, pastimes, family activities or even work tasks that we value on our own terms. Experiencing this type of happiness as individuals will improve our experiences of ourselves as friends, spouses, parents, coworkers and human beings.

Quote is from Ethan Fromm's 1947 book, Man For Himself: An inquiry into the psychology of ethics (Location 2500 in the Kindle edition)